The family welcomed Greg warmly and, separately, structurally.
Greg, 31, joined the M. family on Saturday in a ceremony described by all present as lovely, heartfelt, and entirely without effect on their Bitcoin.
Within the standard newlywed grace period, Greg made the standard newlywed inquiries — first about the lake house, then, more casually, about "how the whole Bitcoin thing works." He was informed, warmly, that it works without him.
This is not personal. The family is genuinely fond of Greg. They have simply built a vault in which no single person can move the funds alone — a category that includes Greg, David, Sarah, and, crucially, anyone Greg might one day become.
"We love Greg," said David. "We also love that loving Greg and securing the Bitcoin are now two completely separate decisions."
The vault did not need to decide whether to trust Greg. That is the entire point of the vault.
Greg took the news well, or at least took it. Sources report he has since stopped asking and started, genuinely, fitting in. It was, the notices section observes, the warmest possible way to tell a man no.
Everything above is satire. Here is how it actually goes when you fix it.
Why no one — not even family — can move it alone
The family vault is built so that spending requires the family's keyholders together, not any single person. That isn't a statement about Greg; it's a property of the structure. A new in-law doesn't inherit access by marriage, an existing member can't act unilaterally, and a thief who compromises one person or one device still can't move a thing.
How bitcoin-assistance works for it
When David builds the vault with bitcoin-assistance, everyday spending is set up to need the family together — laid out in plain English so everyone understands who can do what. Adding or removing a person, or changing who holds a key, is a deliberate, recorded decision, never an accident of who married whom. The assistant keeps a clear record of who holds which key, so the family always knows exactly where authority sits. It never signs; the family's own hardware does, together.
David: If my daughter marries, does her husband get access to the vault?
Assistant: Not automatically — and not at all unless you deliberately add him. The vault needs the family's keyholders together; marrying in doesn't make someone one of them. Any change to who holds a key is a decision you make on purpose.
David: So nothing changes just because the family grows.
Assistant: Nothing changes unless you change it, on the record. Growth is welcome; access is deliberate.
Loving Greg and trusting Greg with the family's savings are two different decisions. The vault lets you make the first one freely — because it already made the second one for you.
Who holds a key, and what it takes to spend, are set deliberately when the vault is built — see The Family Vault.